Dear friends,
Please forgive the length of this web-page which I've made in haste to remember my cousin Carmel. You might have to scroll down rather a long way, after all the comments have all been put in place. The photo "thumbnails" are above, in the "gallery", and you can click on each to see the proper photo.
I only got to know Carmel in the spring of 2017 when she came to stay with us in London. Later she moved from Bangkok to Finchley, not too far from my home, and I visited her each week with my dog, Topaz. Carmel loved seeing Topaz. Topaz was quite naughty. She knew she shouldn't jump up on Carmel's lap, but she also had a sense that Carmel enjoyed the mischief and the cuddle. Carmel would tell me to give Topaz "chocolate" because she always looked as if she hadn't eaten for a week, even though I was frequently rewarding her with bits of kibble (meat and vegetables - not chocolate!).
By the time she moved to Finchley, Carmel couldn't get out much and was getting disorganised in her thinking, but she was always busy reading the paper - a neighbour brought her the Daily Mail most days - and cutting out articles to send people. It was Mwaka's particular talent to make sure that the newspapers didn't pile up too high in Carmel's flat. Mwaka visited on Tuesday, I visited on Friday or Monday, and my aunt (Carmel's cousin) visited about every third Wednesday. On Friday the shopping arrived, and Carmel insisted on unpacking it herself and putting everything in the right place. On Thursday Carmel used to go to the Michael Sobell Centre in Golders Green for the day. She liked it because there are all sorts of people there, and nobody judges anyone else regarding their beliefs or habits.
Also, four times a day, one of several helpers from the care agency would pop in to make sure Carmel was well and to help her with anything that cropped up. Carmel loved to chat with them about their lives.
Some of us thought that Carmel would have a more interesting life if she were in a residential care home surrounded by all different kinds of people, and eventually she ended up at the amazing Nightingale House in south London. I persuaded her to make the move partly because Nightingale House has a nursery on site, and they collaborate with the nursery to do joint activities. That's good for young and old. The staff at Nightingale House helped by making sure Carmel had a beautiful room looking out on to the garden which she could visit when she wanted to. Of course, Covid-19 made everything more difficult and stopped the interaction with the children in the nursery, for a while. When Carmel arrived, she was the first person to move there following the Covid-19 lockdown, and they put her in isolation for a fortnight, but people were still going in to chat with her and help her use her smartphone sometimes. I saw one of the helpers on my little smartphone screen, dressed up in gown and mask like someone from a movie. These past few months have seemed as if we've all stepped into a movie. Carmel was philosophical about it. She must have thought we'd all gone mad, fussing about a virus. The thing about being 93 years old is that one has already seen the world go mad, a few times, and I think that many among the elder generation are less fearful because they can say "I've survived worse".
I want you, who have known Carmel better than me, to be able to share your memories and stories about Carmel and what she meant to you. I'm putting up a contact form for this purpose. It's at the very bottom of this page. It says "Type in boxes, tick below, Click Submit". Please use it to send me a paragraph I can add to the site, with a name you choose to share. Also let me know if you want to email me a photo to post on this page. I'll reply to you, and you can email it to me. Or you can put the URL of the photo in the box. The contact form is only for me and isn't public. I'm not putting e-addresses on this site.
Looking through Carmel's papers, I see she was working in the UN and doing a project on water, I see she mentored trainees and volunteers, I see she was networking and meeting people to try to make the world a better place. Also Carmel told me about World Peace Day on September 21, and she had two banners saying "May peace prevail on earth".
I'm hosting a Zoom session to remember Carmel, on Wednesday 26 August 2020 at 2pm British Summer Time. That's 8pm in Bangkok and 7pm in Bhutan, and it's 9am in Washington, DC. Anyone who posts on the guest register, with their e-address, I'll send you a link to the meeting, and there'll be a password. Please pass the link and password to trusted friends but not on public sites. I'm going to email or WhatsApp the link to people whom I know.
So here are some memories from people - in no particular order:
Mike Curtis wrote:
"My clearest memories were giving her a lift on the pillion seat of my motorcycle when she visited my Mother's house here in Derby when I suppose I must have been in my early twenties.
She just hopped on by bike, no helmet, or any protection, and she was dressed in normal clothing ! I did however get her to the station to catch the train on time.
There was no side to her, she was just a lovely lady, my Mother who was Nanny to the Roths, also looked after Carmel from time to time and was very fond of her"
From Bangkok, Rabbi Yosef Kantor writes:
Dr. Carmel Goldwater had been part of our community for decades. She was a do-gooder par excellence. A paradigm of ‘love your fellow as yourself’. (Actually, ‘love your fellow more than yourself’). She didn’t need anything for herself. She was a very spritually attuned person, lived a very modest life in terms of materialism and used any and all resources at her disposal, to help others in the kindest and most gentle way. Dr. Carmel was a friend and mentor to countless people all over the region. It was quite common to get a handwritten note from her with words of poetry, wisdom, gentle rebuke and uplifting encouragement all in one.
Neil (Nachshon):
"She was always thinking about other people, more than herself. She would give small meaningful gifts to people and leave them little notes with quotations she thought they would like. She remembered little things about people and would ask them about their interests when she met them. ...Often when I travelled to a foreign country for work, she would give me a letter or a gift to give to an acquaintance of her in that country"
Zevulun:
Several years ago, even though I had been in Thailand for years, I was a "newcomer" to the Jewish Community of Thailand. Carmel was one of the first to welcome me with genuine interest. She sincerely wanted to know how and why I came to Thailand and how and why I came to find myself in the Jewish Community here. Her interest truly made me feel welcome, valued and indeed needed! She always asked after myself and my family. I soon found I wasn’t unique. Carmel’s authentic concern extended to everyone. Several years ago I was visiting Bangkok with my wife and youngest from our home in Northeast Thailand. Characteristically, Carmel had been looking after a homeless street dog in Bangkok. She convinced us to take "Seven" (named after the seven/eleven curb that the dog made home) back to our farm. We obliged. When we came to get Seven, Carmel ask our youngest what her favorite food was. Hannah replied "BLUEBERRIES!". She hardly ever got blueberries…they were more of a memory than food. It’s probably easier to get a mango in the Highlands than a blueberry in Northeast Thailand. On my subsequent visits to synagogue Carmel would ask where I lodged. Invariably I’d find a package with blueberries for Hannah and other thoughtful tidbits to return home with. As the years expanded along with my waistline, Carmel always asked my wife if I was ‘keeping up’ with my exercises? She reminded me that my spiritual condition can’t be optimized if my physicality isn’t optimized with it! We miss Carmel.
Julia (in England):
"We met Carmel in Hong Kong in ’64. She was working for Government Health at a time when refugees were coming in their thousands from China because of the possibility of what the rise of Mao might mean.They were being housed in concrete blocks that were being built at such speeds as if overnight.
We thought of Carmel as being rather eccentric but very original and "a can do” sort of person. She gave parties at her flat with a wonderful selection of interesting people with an equally interesting selection of colour themed drinks and food. The most memorable was when the drinks were blue and the food red! I do not think we realised in the summer heat that there was no alcohol!
Several years later back in the UK Carmel would turn up to stay with us in St John’s Wood often with just 2 carrier bags. This was in between work commitments which seemed to take her all over the world from a Sherpa village in the Himalaya from where she walked with her cook and his dog to Everest Base Camp - the cook gave up half way but Carmel arrived at the Camp and as a result met Sir Edmund Hilary - to the wilds of Canada and to America.
While staying with us on these various occasions she was a huge support to me. By then I was an unconfident young mother of two young children. Her reassurance and optimism was invaluable. She saved all sorts of medical situations with her knowledge and wise advice plus thinking things through - often in an alternative way but always sensible and proving to be of great benefit. Carmel really had a big impact on that period of my life which I greatly appreciated. She taught me a lot and was a true friend and wonderfully refreshing and unique.
We never really knew about Carmel’s family. She was actually very private and quite shy and only mentioned her mother occasionally.
We always kept in touch over the years often by those blue air letter forms which she covered with so many thoughts there was no blue left. Then if I had a problem it was often pages and pages of handwritten original and creative ideas of help - always confidence giving. Then there were the occasional meetings in Bangkok where I heard all about her kind friends there and the wonderful times she had on her visits to Bhutan which she loved, or in London chatting for hours - just taking up where we left off.
Carmel is someone my family and I will never forget. My children in America send their condolences. Her friendship and support meant a great deal to me as well as all the laughs we had and the twinkle in her eyes.They were still bright and twinkling the last time I saw her at Speedwell House"
From Bhutan,
Tsering Tashi:
"We are offering prayers and butterlamps as well as donating money to the recovering drug addicts who are taken care of by a Welsh Buddhist monk (Lama Shenphen Zangpo) in the memory and name of Dr Carmel. We will always remember Dr Carmel with great love...
Her Majesty the Royal Grandmother said Dr Carmel was a 'Jangchub Sempa' which means 'The Compassionate One.'"
Shenphen Zangpo:
"I remember your cousin taking one of the cloth covered books that were made by one of our recovering addicts. Incidentally, that boy no longer makes those book covers as we were able to arrange a bakery internship for him, and he is now a well established baker at a five star resort in Thimphu. I'm very proud of him"
Chado Wangmo, Ashi Tashi's nurse:
"We visited the rehabilitation center. We enjoyed their dancing program. I enjoyed a lot with Carmel. In winter I visited Bangkok with Ashi. We two had tea with Ashi in the Emporium"
Kunzang Tensin:
"Dr. Carmel has a lot of attachment with the Royal families of Bhutan and Bhutanese people at large. May she be born in Bhutan"